For me, the worst feeling in the world is isolation. It's something that has nothing to do with the number of people who are physically close to me. I can feel isolated in a crowd. Indeed, there have been times that I have been at meetings and have felt that there was nobody that was interested in me, my thoughts or my feelings. Other times, I have felt wanted, appreciated and valued when very few were around me. So what does this have to do with extended family?
There was a time that I hated my home town because I felt unwanted and unappreciated. There have been other times, however that I felt just the opposite. The difference was mostly within me. When I have felt that my life was aligned with the values I accepted as a boy, I have felt more valued. When I didn't, I had a tendency to pull away from the people that could provide the acceptance that I so desperately needed in fear of being rejected.
There has been a core group of people that I have always been able to depend on to buoy me up and help me when I was discouraged or downhearted. My mother has been one of those people, but that's a mother's job. She is supposed to love and support her children even when they aren't very loveable. My father once wrote me a letter that had the encouragement that I needed at the time, but it was his job too. I am not saying that I didn't appreciate their love and support. I did.
I have three wonderful siblings. They and their families have been good to me and have loved me even in the hard times. I am especially grateful for my younger who had a special knack of giving the right encouragement at the right time.
After years of pushing people away, I am wanting to reconnect with my extended family. Sometimes that isn't easy. It seems people don't want relationships with people they consider total strangers, or don't trust people who have not been approachable. Damaged relationships cannot be repaired overnight, but they are worth the effort.
Cousins have begun reconnecting with me. It may be superficial at the time, but
I love the feeling of belonging. I feel that I belong to the most wonderful family in the world. I hope that with time, we will be able to nurture the family connections that are healthy and worthwhile in a time that the world feels so unstable.
There was a time that I hated my home town because I felt unwanted and unappreciated. There have been other times, however that I felt just the opposite. The difference was mostly within me. When I have felt that my life was aligned with the values I accepted as a boy, I have felt more valued. When I didn't, I had a tendency to pull away from the people that could provide the acceptance that I so desperately needed in fear of being rejected.
There has been a core group of people that I have always been able to depend on to buoy me up and help me when I was discouraged or downhearted. My mother has been one of those people, but that's a mother's job. She is supposed to love and support her children even when they aren't very loveable. My father once wrote me a letter that had the encouragement that I needed at the time, but it was his job too. I am not saying that I didn't appreciate their love and support. I did.
I have three wonderful siblings. They and their families have been good to me and have loved me even in the hard times. I am especially grateful for my younger who had a special knack of giving the right encouragement at the right time.
After years of pushing people away, I am wanting to reconnect with my extended family. Sometimes that isn't easy. It seems people don't want relationships with people they consider total strangers, or don't trust people who have not been approachable. Damaged relationships cannot be repaired overnight, but they are worth the effort.
Cousins have begun reconnecting with me. It may be superficial at the time, but
I love the feeling of belonging. I feel that I belong to the most wonderful family in the world. I hope that with time, we will be able to nurture the family connections that are healthy and worthwhile in a time that the world feels so unstable.
2 comments:
It is nice to feel connected and loved.Your a great uncle, I have fond memories. If only time and space didn't cause the distance that can be felt. I appreciate your blogs and your sharing.
being connected is really nice. it is always good to hear about what goes on with each of you. It is good to be able to support each other, and build one another up.
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